NZ - Recent Survey

[Dannie Slackerzzzzzzzzz]

In a recent survey requested by Prime Minister of New Zealand John Key, NZ Maori have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower!

n the survey, carried out for him, by a leading toiletries firm, a huge majority, 86% of NZ Maori, said that they have enjoyed sex in the shower.

The other 14% said they hadn't been to prison yet ................

[Ratulevu]

Okay!

[antivalentine dontcha luv the smell of pataka's]

I love a good ole Kiwi joke.

A Kiwi walks into a Sydney unemployment office. He marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi! I want to apply for the dole, I hate being on welfare and I'd much rather have a job but I have looked everywhere and just can't find any."

The clerk behind the Centrelink desk says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who needs a chauffeur/bodyguard for his two twin 21 year old nymphomaniac daughters. You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes.

You'll have a three-bedroom apartment above the garage. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.

You'll be expected to escort his daughters on their frequent overseas holidays to Tahiti and the Bahamas. The starting salary is $250,000 a year".

The Kiwi says, "No way mate, you gotta be bullshitting me!"

The Centrelink officer says, "Yeah, well, you started it".

[antivalentine dontcha luv the smell of pataka's]

And finally a short one: How do Kiwi's find Sheep in long grass?



............ Delightful!

[Melbournian]

I would like to apologise in advance if these jokes offend anyone. Not my intention at all, just pure fun

Q) What do you call a Maori under a shopping trolley?
A) A Mechanic

Q) Where do Maori's get they're family portraits done?
A) From da Speed Camera's

Q) Whats the fastest thing in the world?
A) A Maori with a KFC voucher

Q) Whats the second fastest thing in the world?
A) The Maori running away from the guy he stole the voucher from

Q) What do u call a Maori that runs around a tree?
A) A Maori go round

[Melbournian]

Rangi was standing on the door step watching Tama collecting the rubbish.

As Tama went by he yells out to Rangi
"Hey bro where's you bin??"

Rangi replies, "I bin in Australia!"

"NO!" replies Tama, "where's your Wheelie Bin?"

"Oh I wheelie bin in jail, but I tell people I bin in Australia!!!!!!"

[Melbournian]

One last one before I am officially declared a racist:

What is the Maori word for car aerial?

Koatanga (Coat Hanger)

Like I mentioned above, I aint no racist. I have heaps of Asian, Indian jokes, only if you ask nicely

[Jaadugar]

Nicely asked!

[Melbournian]

Nicely asked!

If you insist.... but wrong thread.. I may be banned

[Ratulevu]

Here's a few things about NZ that I think are kind of funny...

-They don't have ketchup! When you get an order of fries, it comes with "tomato sauce," which believe me, tastes nothing like the real thing!

-When the "walk" sign comes on at major intersections, it means that everyone can walk. You can go straight to the other side of the street or diagonally through the intersection. The first time I crossed diagonally, I couldn't help but keep looking over my shoulder to make sure a car wasn't coming! It's really kind of silly, because there are so many people going every which way that a car would never fit through, but it still feels wrong!

-Crosswalk signs also make a high pitched noise followed by what sounds like a loud woodpecker when it's ok to cross the street.

-They don't have pennies and tax is already included in prices, but they still have things for $.99 or $1.99.

-Coins are actually worth something, because they have $2 and $1 coins! So when my wallet gets heavy from all the change, it's actually a good thing!

I've also started to pick up on some of the lingo. For example, when you order something to go, you say "takeaway." Instead of saying goodbye, it's "cheers," trash is "rubbish," and the one that I still have trouble with - they say "toilet" instead of restroom. Several times we've been in a restaurant and someone will ask for the restroom and all you get is a confused look!

I'm sure there are many more things that I'll come across but these are just a few that stand out!